Preparing for when someone asks

Are you well?

A good friend just asked me this in an email.

Me: Yes. But I’m dealing with the usual (for me) back issues, probably brought on by life-style — life of writing and too much sitting — which is hard to change (life-style I mean). What I am dealing with is that, with neuropathy (which I’ve had for 10+ years), my feet and legs would rather not be active, which means I have to will myself to be more active. But if I don’t become more active in my seventh decade it could be my last, because my heart and other systems will be impacted. It’s easy to say I can change but change is hard when the body gets older. I can easily remember when it gave me a rush to climb a mountain or dive into a stream or even climb a cliff. I’m being honest. (One of my favorite things was jumping from boulder to boulder in a Vermont river bed.)

Not having been old before (at least in this life) I was not prepared for how it would feel “normal” to slow down. The trick for me is to recreate myself and step into a new less sedentary normal, but for that to happen I will have to find a physical activity that is as engaging for my aging body as writing is for my mind and imagination – the equivalent of boulder-jumping.

I invite us to answer honestly (as honestly as we are comfortable being) when a friend asks “How are you?” or “Are you well?” Answer honestly, for yourself, and then edit if you want to, but be prepared for your answer to surprise you.

One thing I have learned about myself, as a writer and thinker, is, we can’t draw ourselves out of our comfort zones. We need caring prompts.

One of the most common responses of someone being interviewed these days is “That’s a great question.” But you know what? Most of the time “That’s a great question” means: “Thanks for asking that question because I have a great answer to that question that will make me sound really smart.” If you are really asking a great question, someone will have to pause and think, and wrestle with language because it’s hard to be articulate outside of our comfort zone.

Also, often, whether a question is a great question or just a good question or just a pedestrian question depends on who is asking. How much do you respect the person asking the question?

How much do you respect yourself in answering?

These are just some things to think about to prepare for when someone asks, “How are you?” Or “Are you well?”